“36 Questions to Ask to Fall in Love” appeared in the Modern Love column in The New York Times and went viral with an outpouring of readers’ responses – most wanting to see if they answered these questions, would they, too, fall in love. Could it really be that simple to fall in love?
Falling in love – the passion, the excitement, the incredible fulfillment of the coming together of two souls.
Falling in love is thrilling, but the questions we ask each other when we have just begun dating are exploratory and introductory — looking for commonalities. While informative and important, these questions are different from the way we interact when we are enriching a long-term relationship.
Discovery questions are inquiring:
“He who laughs, lasts.” Mary Poolegive
Question: Who’s most likely to make you laugh?
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“The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.” Vince Lombardi
Question: A promotion, a compliment, a raise, an award…what part of your work or school makes you feel successful?
[From the Time for Two dating game, To Know You…Better]
But, what about STAYING in love?
Even if falling in love were really as simple as asking 36 questions, you need to ask a lot more questions or do more to actually stay in love. What are the questions couples can ask to keep that “we just fell in love” feeling, help it grow deeper and sustain it for a length of time?
Intimate questions will draw on the richness of the relationship’s “history” and communicate what’s special about being together.
Want to bring fun, joy and excitement to your relationship? Ask your partner to respond to these questions:
It might be pizza at home on a rainy night or a romantic sunset on a beach –
Describe a “magic moment” that you have shared with your partner.
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“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” Robert Frost
Take turns describing what you find irresistibly desirable about your partner.
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“…it was a look you could have poured on a waffle.” Ring Lardner
It may be a gaze held a little longer, or a subtle touch…what flirtatious thing can your partner do to make you feel “syrupy?”
Playful, intimate touching is an even deeper way to communicate, starting with a kiss:
The “How Much Feeling Can You Put Into A Kiss” contest has just begun. You are a contestant. Give your partner the winning kiss.
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“A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point.” Mistinguette
Practice your “punctuation” and give your partner one of each.
[From Time for Two’s games.]
A touch, a glance, a favor, a compliment, a gesture…playful or intimate; it will make each of you feel sexy and remind you how lucky you are to be sharing your lives with each other. And isn’t that why often we “communicate”?
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What question would you like to ask your partner?
What questions would you like your partner to ask you?
– Michael